This lesson is based on a workshop entitled 'From victims to healers', held in southern Thailand, consisting of a training and counselling session for family members of disappeared persons. The underlying principle was to provide a healing session for the participants, through which they would be able to focus on the skills needed in helping others facing similar situations.

Day I
Listening exercise: Sharing feelings

Participants were asked to form small groups and share their feelings of how they are coping now, how the first workshop helped them, how their life has changed and what they have been dealing with since the last workshop. Each group has a speaker who will report back later and everyone is supposed to listen well.

What makes a good listener?

Discussion following the above exercise indicated that these characteristics were needed for good listening:

•    Sympathize with the speaker.
•    Active sharing, instead of one-sided conversation.
•    Pay attention to body language.
•    Prepare your mind to be stable and ready to listen to anger, stress, grief and other emotions. Everyone has different problems and different needs. You need to be prepared to adapt to whatever might come.
•    Be aware that now you are a caretaker. Be aware of your own body language when listening to others; make sure it makes them feel comfortable. Examine the speaker's body language to determine their emotion.

Discussion on what kind of speech to use when dealing with victims

•    Speak softly and nicely. Before asking them questions about their situation, listen actively. Victims might come with strong emotions, maybe even condemnation directed at you, but you have to stay calm, be impartial, do not take it personally.
•    Try to build a good and relaxing environment for the speaker. Be prepared to let them say whatever they wish; in this way, you get to know them better. Find out the real problem or cause of their suffering; they only tell you the symptoms, you have to find out the root cause.
•    Don’t use close-ended questions! Don’t use commands! No strong questions! Be aware what questions are hurtful to the victims. Since we are all victims we should know what those questions are. Example: "Your husband disappeared. Do you think he’s still alive?" Those kinds of questions only make you feel bad.
•    Do not instruct! There is a difference between instruction and guidance. Give them choices.
•    If you feel you cannot handle listening or feel overwhelmed, feel free to stop and recommend other places or people to the victim. Do not feel bad about that. You are acting in the victim’s interest.

Good approach:
Make yourself strong!
Build good environment!
Try to find out as much as possible about them by giving them lots of space!
Give recommendation, choices, advice!
Build confidence!
Let them decide!

This approach will make both sides feel good.

Trust building exercise

Participants get into groups of three. One person is blindfolded. The other two guide the blindfolded person. This exercise is supposed to build trust between the group members and increase the confidence of the blindfolded person.

The blindfolded participants are asked to write down how they felt, what helped them and what did not. The guides are asked to do the same; how do they feel given the responsibility of guiding, what techniques did they use and what obstacles were they facing.

Blindfolded group
They say they initially feel afraid, but become more confident as they are given good guidance and do not feel alone; "When we can’t see, we need a lot of trust and good attention from the others." Participants said they trusted their guide 100 per cent because they had no other choice.

Guiding group
Participants were uncomfortable and anxious at having to take care of someone else. They had to be patient, pay close attention so they could guide properly.

Techniques
Good observation, direction, must use understandable language (for instance, describing distance in number of footsteps), must prepare the blindfolded person for any obstacles ahead.

Summary
The blindfolded participants initially felt fear, but slowly built up their comfort and confidence. The guides felt uncomfortable and burdened. You need patience and determination to help the victim go forward. To build trust and confidence, you have to give them moral support. You must make them feel that you’re going with them, strengthening the will power of the victim. You have to be sincere and honest, otherwise they cannot trust you.

Participants share their feelings about the disappearance of their loved ones in a group therapy session. Everyone talks and everyone listens.

Day II
Active listening practice

Participants form groups of three: one person is the speaker, one person the listener, and one person the observer. They can talk about whatever they want and practice what they have learnt about listening and building trust.

Groups come together and share their experiences. One listener is asked to narrate what she heard, but her story does not correspond with what the speaker said! A listener in another group captured the story well however. Observers say that overall the listeners were able to capture the issues well, were very warm and friendly towards the speakers.

Participants go back into groups and change roles; this is repeated until all participants have done three roles. After each session, participants talk about their experience.

This exercise was very helpful in opening up the participants. They were very interactive and talked easily to each other. They said the principles they learnt earlier helped them in the activity.

Activity: Active listening

Facilitator: Changing from the victim to the healer will make you stronger. But before being the helper we have to know how to help. Doctors and counsellors have not had the same experience as you, and therefore may not understand exactly how you feel. You are in a better capacity to help others who have had similar experiences.

To help, you have to listen more than talk. But it has to be active listening.
Participants are asked to give examples of what makes a good listener:

•    Look into the eye.
•    Responding sounds (yes, ah, etc).
•    Look attentive and observant.
•    Sitting 45 degrees from the speaker (face to face is threatening).
•    Express emotion physically.
•    No prejudice or discrimination.  

Examples of a bad listener:

•    Listener is distracted (ie. talking on the phone).
•    Moving around a lot.
•    Talking with others.
•    Sleeping.
•    Keeps looking at the watch.
•    Listener is not ready to listen, thinking of his/her own problems. Does not give the speaker enough time.
•    Health and body condition of listener is bad and influences their listening.

If you are too tired or exhausted to listen, ask to go to the washroom. Take a break if you have been listening for a long time. Use a soft, smooth voice. Once you have learned these techniques you will be better than me in helping each other!

Trauma
    
Participants are asked to list reactions associated with experiencing trauma:

•    Shock
•    Denial
•    Anger
•    Crying
•    Screaming
•    Nervousness
•    Feeling lost
•    Insomnia
•    Fear

Facilitator: These are all normal reactions to abnormal situations. Let them be. If you had no feelings, that would be abnormal. If symptoms linger on for a long time (more than two months) however, then you need medical attention. You might be depressed and feel like hurting yourself. You might even feel like you want to die. You may also feel disassociated; the brain does not connect with the present or your thoughts and emotions are disconnected.

Manifestations of post-traumatic stress disorder:
Re-experience: Experiencing the same thing over and over without it actually happening; nightmares.   
Avoidance: You shut yourself off from society; do not want to think of the future; do not want to associate with anybody; suffer from depression. You choose not to remember because you don’t want it to hurt. You shut it out of your brain. This is especially prominent in children. It requires special techniques to find out what happened.

If these symptoms happen once in a while, it is fine. If they are regular or ongoing and interfere in your daily life, then they are problematic and require medical attention.

Activity: I have, I am, I can

This activity is to show the participants that they are resilient people able to cope with trauma effectively, and be in control of their life. In addition, it is meant to increase positive thinking: “I can do everything, I have the ability and capacity because I did before.”

I have: helpers, lovers, friends, support groups and Allah
I am: a good person, nice, confident, faithful, emotionally strong, successful
I can: manage difficult situations, do things by myself, manage life properly

Participants draw a picture showing these aspects of their life.

Everyone explains their picture. Facilitator guides people’s responses to show their resilience. Participants can see how they are demonstrating responsibility and care for someone who needs it, whether they are sons and daughters, mothers and fathers. All participants are effectively taking care of another person they love very much.

Activity: Reef and seaweed

Facilitator: Close your eyes. Imagine you are a seaweed and there are very strong currents, moving left and right. The wind stops. Open your eyes. Did anyone collapse? No. Why? Because you went along with the current.

Now close your eyes and imagine you are a reef. There is a strong wind. Although the reef is strong, it can collapse because it does not adjust to outside currents or influences.

You should try to live like seaweed, allowing you to sway or bend or nearly collapse when exposed to trauma, but you can become upright and powerful again when the currents or traumatic events pass. Your reactions are normal. Let the emotions out. When you are facing trauma, you must show your emotions. If you never show any emotions, after a while you will collapse.

Activity: Stress release techniques

Participants are asked to list various symptoms of stress:

•    Loss of appetite
•    Shortage of breath
•    Insomnia
•    Fast heart beats

Facilitator: There are several techniques to release stress and relax. It is important to be relaxed when you want to help others. Also, you might feel stressed after helping others. One way to relax is through deep breathing, which is very important in calming yourself down.

Participants taught to pay attention to the rhythm of their breathing and to regulate it. Participants go through a series of muscle relaxation for every part of the body – hands, arms, shoulders, head, legs, toes.

Activity: Role play

Facilitators choose two volunteers beforehand to demonstrate a one-on-one counselling session of 20 minutes each. The first role play involves a student who is anxious for her school exams. In the second situation a woman is supposed to marry someone she doesn’t know. The sessions are conducted in a professional manner from beginning to end. Participants are observing. Each role play follows an assessment where participants can raise any issues and questions they have. They are also asked to identify what they have learned in the past two days and how that was applied in the role play.

All participants are then paired up to practice what they have learned. In turns, they each take on the role of victim and healer and practice with each other, giving each other feedback. All participants enjoyed the exercise.   

Questions For Discussion

1.    Discuss how trauma affects individuals and their daily lives.
2.    Have you attended/organized any counselling or rehabilitation workshops? What did you learn?
3.    Identify several groups of persons in your community who would benefit from such workshops. What are the resources/assistance already available to these groups and how could you improve them?